First I want to say that I am so incredibly sorry that I just disappeared for the past two months and haven’t posted anything. I haven’t been active anywhere. There’s a few reasons for that which I won’t go into fully here just yet, but I plan to disclose more once things have settled down. But I want you to know that I genuinely love blogging, and I genuinely love the idea that I am hopefully contributing something of value to your lives. I did not plan to stop posting for such a long time, it just kind of happened and I really genuinely miss it. Now nothing is truly keeping me from posting except my own mind but I’ve been absent just the same. However, I know 100% and without a doubt that I am going to succeed at turning my blog into the business I dream of. But today is just not the right time for me. I started blogging with my foot smashed against the gas pedal. I was publishing content three times a week for several months. I was networking with as many bloggers as I could find, and I was devouring as much information and content as was available. I invested in a blogging coach (who is amazing) and I purchased several blog improvement courses and tools that I know will help bring this blog to where I want it to be. I was making the right moves, but I still felt like I was failing.
With that being said, here is where I am at currently.
My mental health hasn’t been so great. I am almost 100% positive that I have severe anxiety. I definitely plan to post more about this in the future but for now just know that my mind has been an absolute mess. I haven’t been sleeping more than a few hours at a time and when I am asleep I’ve been having very vivid nightmares which leave me absolutely exhausted. I’m ALWAYS worrying about something or another and I NEVER feel relaxed or at ease. My heart always feels like it’s racing and my body can never stop moving. (Like tapping my fingers, tapping my foot, touching my hair, etc. But ultimately, I feel like a failure in EVERY aspect of my life. Everything within me is just tired, and with the news of two huge and life-changing events coming up very soon and a lot of unexpected expenses popping up recently, my symptoms have been amplified.
I am not sharing this to give excuses, because mental health is not an excuse. My anxiety is my reality and I am dealing the best way I can, and sometimes that just means not being able to devote mental energy to anything more than staying in bed or binge watching re-runs of Gilmore Girls on Netflix. I definitely 100% plan on seeking help once these life events have settled down. It has taken me YEARS to acknowledge and accept that anxiety is a part of me and that it is affecting my overall quality of life. So, I am taking a break from blogging so that it becomes one less stressor in my life when it should be something that I get to enjoy.
So here is my tenuous plan moving forward:
- Allow life to settle down
- Address my mental health needs so that I can get back to living 🙂
- Reset and restart building my blog from the foundation up and possibly change my domain name. (Back to the basics guys!)
It’s funny that just re-reading this post has lifted some of the overwhelming pressure I’ve been experiencing about being absent. I’m reading this and I know it’s not completely my fault and I logically know that I’m not a failure. But my mind does not believe me when I say that to myself. I still feel like there are 1001 things to do and that I can never do enough. If you are experiencing similar issues, please know you are not alone and you are strong. If you are fortunate enough to have a healthy mind, please do not take it for granted.
Thanks for reading guys and I hope to be back by Spring/Summer time. I hope you’re patient with me and come back when I do 🙂